You are not Worthless
by delenalover98
Summary: Elena Gilbert never expects to meet Damon Salvatore on her first day as a freshman at Mystic Falls High. Emotionally abused and scared, she hides from people thinking she isn't good enough. After high school, Elena is feeling more for her best friend Damon. Will he feel the same? Will Elena get over her demons to be in a relationship?
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Vampire Diaries. I am only borrowing the characters and mixing them with my own ideas. _

_You are not Worthless_

_Prologue: _

_EPOV_

_ "Hey! That was mine! You can't just take it from me!" _

"_Well next time don't bring money to school slut. Everyone knows I take it."_

_ I was furious. It was my first day at Mystic Falls High, and it sucked. Being a freshman is bad enough but she just moved here from Richmond to live with my Aunt Jenna and soon-to-be-uncle, Alaric Saltzman. I remembered coming to Mystic Falls to visit a lot as a kid, but I never pictured myself living here in this ridiculously small town running away from my terrible demons. Now, I have to go to a new school without having any friends and this bitch, I think her name is Vicki, just jumped me and stole all the money out of my fucking wallet. From the looks of her, it was probably to pay the first crack seller on the block. _

"_I swear I am not in the mood. I don't want to fight you, but I NEED my cash back."_

_I was about to explode. I didn't want to cause trouble on my first day, but I will attack this druggie if I have to. She did not want to mess with me. I may be small but I have been through too much to stand down to insane fucking druggie. I was Elena Gilbert. Problems and issues followed me wherever I go, and I will not lose my shit because of this bitch. _

"_Get your own money now, skinny girl." Vicki snarled. "Unlike you, I seem to have something that makes me happy. YOU on the other hand look like nothing more than a sad, ugly, tight ass loser." _

_ My knuckles white, red pounding in my eyes and steam seeping from my ears, I launched my entire body at her with the force of tiger. I managed to knock the wind out of her when a pair of strong arms threw me away from the skank, and held me down. I flailed and squirmed until he grabbed my head and forced it to his ice blue eyes. _

"_Hey. HEY! Calm down. Okay? Please she isn't worth it. VICKI! Get your drugged ass out of here or I swear to fucking god I WILL make you regret it!"_

_ I swerved my head around to see Vicki had disappeared, and I don't blame her. This guy seemed pretty scary if you got on his bad side. I cautiously arched my head up to look at the man that stopped me from getting into a worthless fight. He looked a couple years older than me and was the most freaking gorgeous man I have ever laid eyes on. I swear the angels carved him out of the smoothest marble, and it looked like the Mediterranean Ocean poured into his eyes. His hair was raven black, but his eyes were the shade of sapphires. I could tell with one look, he got women to worship him. _

"_Well you must be new. Sorry Vik was hounding you. She tends to attack new kids that way she doesn't have to work as hard to make her own money for drugs."_

_The beautiful stranger cocked his head slightly to the side. He ocean deep eyes stared at me like he was reading my soul; almost as if he was finding out all of my secrets through my eyes. _

"_I'm Damon Salvatore. I'm a junior here and on the varsity baseball team. I'm pretty amazing." He winked at me and gave me a full on cocky smirk. _

"_I'm Elena Gilbert; freshman and writer." I stated with a lack of confidence._

_I knew I wasn't pretty. My mother told me all the time that I should have looked more like HER. I, apparently, wasn't worthy enough to be considered Miranda and Grayson Gilbert's daughter. SHE was the one with the looks, the charm, the attention, and the popularity. I was just a worthless, ugly piece of crap they used to keep HER grades up. _

"_Well why don't you come with me, we'll get lunch, and you can tell me all about what you want to write about?" He asked sincerely. _

_ I peered at him with amazement. He wants to hang out with ME? Why would an junior in high school want to spend time with an ugly duckling freshman like me? _

"_You're serious? Has the testosterone gotten to your brain? You must be desperate to get some action." I blurted without thinking. Now I know I just ruined it. _

_ What came next was totally unexpected. He fell on the floor and LAUGHED. He fucking LAUGHED. I thought I had offended him into hating me forever, but he was now on the floor griping his sides, trying to remember how to breathe. _

"_Jesus, kitten. You are feisty. I can tell now we are going to be best of friends. Now, come one and let's get something to eat." He smirked and dared me to tell him no. _

_That day right there was the beginning of something I didn't think I was ever going to be prepared for._

_Thanks for reading my first ever post on FanFiciton! Please review and tell me what you think! I would really like to know if I should continue this. _

_Love you guys!_

_-Kat_


	2. Chapter 1

**Thanks to everyone who read/reviewed/favorite/followed my story so far! It means a lot. Hopefully I won't disappoint you. **

_Four years later…_

EPOV

"Elena! Come on! We are almost at our dorm room. You can text Damon later!" Caroline shouts at me as I take yet another stop to check for Damon's name on my iPhone.

It's our first day at Whitmore College, and I couldn't be more ecstatic. Ever since Damon graduated two years ago it life was all hell on earth. He was the only person I would ever wish to spend time with. He understood me when no one would listen, and he would comfort me if I had a nightmare when most would stare at me like I was a circus freak. He is the best friend anyone could ever ask for and the pain of being away from him surpassed any horror that I faced during my childhood. I was terrified he would leave for college and completely forget about me. I was positive some beautiful girl would come and make him realize how much time he wasted spending time with a hideous freak like me. I didn't have any other friends, nor did I want to try and make new ones. Well, except for Caroline Forbes.

Caroline has been the one bright light in the tunnel of depression and loneliness. We became friends after our biology teacher forced us together for a huge project our sophomore year. We get along really well because Caroline liked to talk ALL the time while I didn't really have much to say. We fit well together. She has enough confidence for the both of us, and I admire her headstrong and sometimes neurotic personality.

"So when are you going to tell Damon you're in love with him?" Caroline questioned bluntly.

"CARE! You promised you wouldn't bring that up!" I hissed with embarrassment.

"Well I wouldn't have to keep bringing it up if you would just tell him! You know he is in love with you too right?" Caroline stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No he doesn't Caroline. You and I both know that. He can get any girl he wants, so why would he want _me? _I could never tell him my true feelings because I will ruin our friendship forever, and I CAN'T handle that."

"Elena, how many times do I have to tell you that you are so gorgeous and amazing? Any guy would be lucky to have your love. Plus I have seen the way that man looks at you. It doesn't say _"you are my friend" _it definitely says _"I want to throw you in my bedroom and love you until you can't take it anymore."_ Why do you think so low of yourself?" Caroline questioned concerned.

"Caroline you really need to develop something called a filter. I am not having this conversation again," I snapped. "Leave it alone. Let's just get our stuff in the room."

I have always been in love with my best friend. Ever since we ate lunch together freshmen year, I was in love with him. How could any girl not be? He's not only totally beautiful on the outside, but on the inside too. He didn't talk about his past much, but one day, after being friends for a while, he told me his story.

He confessed to me about losing his mother to extreme breast cancer and him holding her hand as she released her final breath. Poor Damon was only 15. After that, his father Giuseppe hated him and ran away with his younger brother Stefan to Italy leaving Damon all alone in a huge boarding house with no one to care for him except some maids and cooks. My heart ached for him, but I knew from the beginning he was more than a baseball jock with a sexy smirk. He has this bad boy bravado that he uses as a safety crutch to hide what's really in his twisted heart. Whenever someone gets too close to him, he transforms into this asshole who is incapable of feelings, but for some reason he opens up to me. He lets me know more about himself than anyone else, and I fell even harder for the person underneath. He never had to tell me that under that asshole exterior, Damon Salvatore is a wonderful and caring human being that deserves all the love in the world.

I wish every single day that I was good enough to be that person to love him forever. But he would never love me back. I am plain and weird. I always keep my hair straight and wear very little makeup because what's the point? I will never look like HER. Caroline tells me that my body is perfect and my legs are sexy, but when I look in the mirror all I see is a skinny, awkward teenager that could never be thought of as attractive. Damon would never like me _that way_. If I told him my feelings, he would run in the opposite direction forever, and I would be left completely alone without a soul who truly understood me. I could never take that chance.

"I don't understand why we couldn't just get our own apartment!" Caroline rants as we decorate the little space we have in our dorm.

"Caroline, we have been through this already...rules say that freshmen _have_ to stay on campus. We can look for an apartment after this year."

"Ughh fine! This place is just too fucking small!"

I laughed. Caroline can be so over dramatic. No wonder she is a theater major.

"Ohh sorry I'm going to have to miss the reunion Lena! Hair appointment! Can't look sexy without them!" And with that, Care was out the door leaving me alone to unpack in our small dorm space.

I heard the door open, but I figured Caroline just forgot something. That was until a large, warm hand touched my shoulder, and electricity shocked through my body making me shudder.

"Miss me, kitten?" A silky smooth voice washed over me. I knew exactly who it was.

"Damon! I can't believe it! I missed you so much dumbass!" I literally sprinted and jumped into his arms. It felt like magic. His strong arms held me up, and I wanted this feeling forever. But unfortunately, it ended as soon as it began.

"Wow! I know my body is impossible to resist, but wow, kitten, someone is eager to touch me." His smug grin was firmly in place. If that face wasn't so sexy, I would have slapped that smirk clear off his face.

_You have no idea…_I thought to myself. _I want to grab the back of your neck and smash your perfect lips on mine. I want to prove to you that you are mine. _

"Well, Salvatore, after you air out your ego, you can help me and Caroline finish unpacking."  
"Do I have to?" Damon whined, giving me the most adorable pouty face he could think of. "There is a party at the Mikealson's tonight and I wanted you to come with me…"

There is was. I knew when I came here I would have appear at parties, but I still freak out when I get by crowds of people. I see every one of them looking and judging me. They are glaring at me because of my faults. They see that I am useless and a freak. It's like they all know all about my past, so they don't want to associate with me. I don't blame them because if I were them I do the same thing. I emotionally can't handle this, but I can't disappoint Damon.

"Damon – you know I don't do well with a lot of people…" I was shaking with fear and uncertainty.

"I know, kitten, I know but this is your first time living without your aunt and Ric, and I want to show my girl how to have fun in college. Please?...For me?" He tossed in the 'You're the best person ever' smile, and I was done for.

_Shit. Why does he have such an affect over me? I'm losing control, and I can't do that! _I had to repeat it to myself several times before finally nodding.

"But I swear to god Damon. You better not leave me for another one of those skanky dress sluts that give you a boner. I am doing this for YOU Salvatore. So keep it in your pants!" I teased.

I have always known that Damon slept around. I mean women practically threw their tops off just so he could notice them. It doesn't usually bother me too much because I know they don't mean anything to him. He just tosses them out in the morning and never speaks to them again. Part of me feels bad for them, but on the other hand, they know Damon's reputation so it wasn't like the end result was going to be a surprise.

"Okay, kitten. For you, I will try my best to keep it in my pants, but I can't be held responsible if a girl feels me up. I mean can you blame them?" He said with a wink.

_I swear his ego needs its own zip code. _

"Alright Elena, I'll pick up you and Caroline at 8. Look hot!" With one final smirk, he was gone.

An hour later, Caroline came back from her hair appointment and I explained to her about the party. Bad idea.

"YAY! OMG LENA! OKAY YOU HAVE TO LOOK HOT. LIKE SEXY HOT! I'VE GOT THE PERFECT DRESS FOR YOU!" Caroline squealed.

"Oh no." Was the only thing in my brain before Caroline yanked me to our newly made closet.

**Well this is Chapter 1! You see some of Damon's history which is sad :'(. Elena is still withholding everything about her past from all of her friends. Don't worry someone will show up soon with a direct link to Elena's childhood.I hope you like it as much as I do! The more you review the more motivated I get to update. Y'all are great! **

**-Kat**


	3. Chapter 2

**Thanks for your reviews and suggestions! I really appreciate them. Some people are asking about flashbacks, and I was planning on adding in some from Damon and Elena in high school. It just didn't feel right putting it in the first chapter. I hope you enjoy the next chapter! :)**

* * *

Chapter 2  
EPOV

"Care there is no way I can go out in public wearing this!" I exclaimed with insecurity and embarrassment.  
"Come on Lena! You look amazing in this dress! Damon will freak." Caroline stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
Caroline squeezed me into what was perhaps the most tight-fitted dress I have ever worn. I stood dumbstruck at my reflection. I felt completely bare. The dress Caroline forced me to try on was a short, strapless black dress that hugged every curve on my body. It left my cleavage on display, and I felt like my ass was hanging out. Oddly enough, though, I felt more attractive than I have in years.  
_Damon will probably laugh at how ridiculous I look_. I silently scolded myself.  
An hour later, Caroline gave me a complete makeover. My face was painted with dark eye shadow and lip gloss, and my dress was paired with tall peep toe red heels. I felt uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. It was like a stream of confidence was rising within me.  
"Care, you must be a miracle worker! I can't even recognize myself!" I shook my head with amazement.  
"Elena, sweetie, you were always this beautiful. It's the confidence you are lacking, not beauty. You are staring at your scars and demons in the mirror instead of your amazing personality. I don't even know anything about your past except that you ran away from your family, yet I can tell that's what you are so focused on."  
"Caroline, I know you are desperate to learn why I ran away from home, but I can't. If I think about it, even for one second, I am going to break and I am not giving them that satisfaction. I ran away for reasons you can't even begin to imagine, and I've never told anyone my story. Damon doesn't even know, and I trust him with my life." Words can't even describe the weight that is firmly planted on my shoulders. The baggage I have to carry is unimaginable.  
Caroline grew impatient. "Lena, why don't you tell Damon? It's not healthy to keep everything bottled up. Telling someone might be the first step to healing and moving on…"  
"Can we go back to trying to have fun and getting ready? Please?" I gave her a warning look telling her that she was pushing her boundaries, so she finally backed off.  
The truth was that I come with too much baggage. I'm a broken human being that will take more than a miracle to fix. Damon shouldn't have to deal with that. No one but me should have to live with MY demons except me.

* * *

Butterflies were felt in my stomach. My heart raced, and my hands shook. I worried that Damon might think I look trashy or too slutty.  
_He's your best friend Elena! He won't care…hopefully._  
Right at 8, Damon knocked on the door. He was always particular about being on time, not that I minded. Caroline squealed and ordered me to stay put until she called for me downstairs. With that, she sprinted downstairs to let Damon in the house.  
I sat on my bed for what felt like ten years, waiting for Caroline's queue to come out. It excited and terrified me to no end. This reaction could go one of two ways. He would both be surprised and like it, or indifferent and even disgusted by how I look. It's a fifty-fifty shot for me having a good night. `  
"Come down Elena!" Caroline shouted.  
_It's now or never_. With the little confidence I could muster, I opened the door and took a step downstairs.

It's been almost two minutes and Damon hasn't said a thing to me. I walked slowly down the stairs to meet my fate, and once I made eye contact with those eyes of crystal, all time froze. He has never looked more handsome. He traded his normal skin fit t-shirt and leather jacket for a crisp black button-down shirt that accentuated his lean shape and dark wash jeans. His raven-colored hair was so tousled it could qualify as "sex hair."  
He stared at me, eyes roaming every inch of my body. I almost wanted to run upstairs and grab my favorite jacket, but I couldn't move. There was this spark in his eyes that looked like hunger. It was like he wanted to just devour me. I have only seen this face once: prom.

* * *

_Three Years Ago…_  
_Mystic Falls Senior Prom_  
_"Elena I can't believe we are going to the SENIOR PROM as sophomores!" Caroline gushed for the thousandth time today. _  
_"I know Caroline. I just can't believe someone actually wanted to ask me…" _  
_The senior quarterback for our football team, Matt Donovan, asked me to prom about two weeks ago, and I was not only shocked but so excited! His sister, Vicki, was the girl that attacked me the year before, but Matt was nothing like his drug induced sister. He was so cute with his baby-blue eyes, blonde hair, and goofy smile. He was really sweet and kind to me too which I thought was weird because his friends are total douche bags…like Tyler Lockwood. Tyler has got to be the biggest asshole on the planet. He is constantly trying to pull pranks on poor kids and making fun of girls that don't quite "meet his requirements." _  
_"I wish you and Damon would have gone to prom together, that way we could have that cute double date stuff." Caroline sighed. _  
_"You know he is going with Andie Starr. She practically dropped her pants to get him to agree." I completely dismissed the idea of me and Damon going to prom together a long time ago. _  
_After being friends with Damon for over a year, and Caroline for six months, I have gained more confidence in myself and my image. Damon always tells me how I have adorable "doe" eyes, and it makes me giggle. Caroline always lists all the things she envies me for, but the real reason I think is that I don't feel alone anymore. Actually, now that Matt has asked me to prom, I am finally starting to see that I am not totally useless or ugly. _  
_Caroline was going to prom with Damon's best friend, Klaus Mikaelson. They have been dating for about two months now and couldn't be more in love. Klaus was a tall, golden-haired, gorgeous guy with a thick British accent, and Caroline couldn't have fallen harder for his bad boy charm. He and Damon have been through thick and thin together, and I couldn't picture Caroline with a more caring and protective man. _  
_The dance started out with a bang. Matt was really nice, but he looked a little fidgety as the night wore on. Damon, for some reason, wouldn't take his eyes off of me all night. I couldn't help but see a spark in Damon's eyes that made my heart race. He looked at me like he owned me; heart, mind, and soul. Normally, this would piss me off, but I wanted to be his and his only. He was the one I wanted to be dancing with tonight. _  
_Suddenly, Matt shoved me away from his body and I fell to the ground. I laid there, on the ground, disoriented and surprised. Matt towers above me and starts screaming at me; telling me that I am a no good skank. I'm so confused and scared. What have I done? Did I do something wrong? _  
_"What is going on Matt? Can't keep your date on a leash?" Tyler struts up so satisfied with himself. _  
_"My 'innocent' date just tried to feel me up in front of EVERYONE! She keeps trying to throw herself at me! I am so disgusted, and I wanted to ask her out!" Matt stated horrified at my mere presence. _  
_"Well I told ya buddy…" Tyler sneered, "Gilbert is nothing special. She's just an invisible desperate little girl with no family to love her."_  
_I couldn't be in that room any longer. I bolted as fast as my legs could carry me in my prom dress. I never stopped until I came at a fork in an empty street, and I knew both paths by heart. If I took the first street, it would have taken me to my house; alone and bitter. If I took the second street, I wouldn't be alone forever. I breathed in and started down the path towards the boarding house. _  
_I probably sat in Damon's room for around five minutes until Damon busted down the door cursing and furious. I couldn't even look up at him I was so embarrassed. All I wanted was to have a fun night, not worrying about my appearance or other's opinions. Damon immediately mumbled, "Shit!" and quickly wrapped his strong arms around me. _  
_I lost it. I cried for everything. For believing Matt, for not listening to Damon's opinion, for loving my best friend, for not being worthy of even a little fun; life just wasn't kind to me. Damon cradled me to his chest tenderly, patiently waiting for me to calm down. _  
_"I deserve this!" I cried, "I knew good things don't happen to people like me and I deluded myself into thinking I could actually mean something." I was so broken. I had just begun to believe I was worth it, yet in the course of three hours, all of the confidence was drained from me. Gone. _  
_"Kitten look at me." Damon ordered. "You were stunning tonight. You outshined ever other girl in the room just by blinking. Donovan is a fucking moron for hurting such an amazing date." He leaned in and kissed the top of my head sweetly. _  
_"You can stay here tonight, kitten. You shouldn't be alone tonight."_

* * *

I walked into Klaus' mansion with shaky legs and a pounding heart. I was so terrified that I would have to relive prom all over again that I almost bolted for the door. Right before I could make a run for it, Damon gripped my hand and placed it on his arm.  
"You are going to be fine, kitten. Just be yourself and everyone will love you." Damon whispered in my ear. I shivered at our close proximity.  
"Okay, but can you get me a drink? It will help me gain confidence."  
"Of course, kitten."  
I awkwardly shuffled through the crowd of sweaty dancing bodies to find Caroline. Turns out, she had already found Klaus and was making out with him by the DJ.  
_Welcome to college, Elena._ I laughed to myself.  
Damon ended up buying me tequila shots, and after an hour I was wasted! I danced the night away with anyone. Suddenly, a pair of hands landed on my waist and a body began grinding up against me. Usually, I would be disgusted, but the alcohol pumping through my veins clouded my head and judgment. His hands started to roam all around my body, finally planting themselves on my butt. Okay, I may be drunk, but I am not about to give up V-card to a guy feeling me up at a party.  
"Okay. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to leave. It was fun dancing with you." I drunkenly slurred out to the stranger.  
"Ohhh no sweetheart. You and that hot body aren't going anywhere tonight." The man had an evil glint in his eyes, and that sobered me up really quick.  
"Look. I didn't mean for it to get like that, but I need to leave."  
Before I could escape, the stranger grabbed my arm and dragged me outside of the mansion. All of a sudden, I am pushed up against to a wall and the man has his lips disgustingly on my neck. I push and shove, but the guy was way too strong for me to handle. I was about to give up until I, oddly, couldn't feel his weight on me anymore. I shifted my head to see what happened, and I saw Damon having the stranger by the neck against the wall. His face was red and his eyes were black with fury.  
"WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING TO HER?!" Damon shouted. He never looked more terrifying before.  
"I was trying to show her a good time, man. She wanted it." The man tried to explain.  
"YEAH BECAUSE HER STRUGGLING TO GET AWAY MEANS SHE WANTS YOU!" Damon sarcastically hissed.  
"Dude, have you seen how she is dressed. She wanted something from someone tonight!"  
"I'm going to tell you this once and once ONLY. You do not get to touch MY GIRL! She is too good for the likes of YOU, and I swear if I EVER see you again near her I will call the cops!" Damon spit out with venom.  
I got up from my crouched position by the wall to place my arm on Damon's shoulder. I couldn't let him hut the guy because then Damon would end up in jail. I felt his shoulders slack and the let the guy go.  
"Fine! Enjoy your little slut man. She is all yours." The guy sneered at Damon.  
Before Damon could do anything, I walked up to him, and hugged him. Both just froze with shock.  
I leaned in the stranger's ear and whispered, "Never underestimate me." With that, I kneed him right in the groin and watched with satisfaction as his crumpled to the ground in pain.  
Damon took me back the boarding house, still shocked about how I acted at the party. I might have had the courage to do that, but I was still pretty upset about what happened. I needed him to comfort me.  
"Damon, can I stay here tonight? I quietly asked.  
"Kitten, of course! You are not leaving my side tonight after that!" Damon looked at my face with concern.  
"Thanks. I'll go set up my guest room."  
"You know you can sleep with me if you want. I know you don't want to sleep alone after that." Damon gave me a knowing look.  
"Thank you so much Damon."  
As we settled into bed, I felt something change between Damon and myself. Tonight seemed to open my eyes, and I realized that I can stand on my own two feet. I was proud of myself for how I handled the situation, and I wanted to hold on to that feeling that rushed over me; confidence. I finally fell asleep with a smile on my face not only because of my revelation, but also because Damon called me "his girl" when defending me against that evil stranger. Maybe him feeling something for me isn't as impossible as I thought…

* * *

**Okay I'm sorry for not updating more this week. School has got me so busy. I made this an extra-long chapter for everyone. I felt really bad for Elena when writing the flashback to prom, so I made sure the chapter ended on a happier note. Please keep reviewing! **  
**-Kat**


	4. Chapter 3

**Thanks everyone for your reviews! I read every single one of them. If you have any requests or comments you can review or PM me and I will answer you. My updates might start slowing down because school is kicking my butt! Hopefully this chapter is okay. Don't get too mad at me!**

* * *

Chapter 3  
EPOV  
I slowly toss and turn around in the soft bed with a pounding in my head. I ease my eyes open and take in my surroundings. The light shines through the open blinds onto my sleepy face that catches me by surprise. This wasn't my bed. I was in Damon's bed. Damon's bed. I have never slept in Damon's bed before. We would usually either pass out on the couch, or I would insist on sleeping in the guest room next to his. Memories of last night seeped into my brain and I remembered him protecting me from that drunken man at the club, and labeling me as "his girl." That moment still inflicts butterflies in my stomach and weakness in my knees. The fury in his eyes and his fists clenched so tight his knuckles appeared permanently white scared and excited me. I rolled over hoping to cuddle with Damon's warm body, but I instead made contact with a cold pillow and a piece of paper.

_Kitten, _  
_Law Study was early this morning, but I didn't want to wake you. You looked really nice all curled up in my bed ;) I'll see you later. _  
_-Damon_

I had completely forgotten that Damon had an extremely important class today. It takes an enormous amount of dedication to accomplish what Damon dreams of. Damon's love for animals has driven him to become a successful environmental lawyer, and his goal was to stop as much immoral animal killings as possible. I loved it whenever he would get sucked into a passionate rant about animal testing and water pollution because it brings out who he truly is. I get a vulnerable side of him that is consistently tucked away in the depths of his heart, but lately I witness more of his honest, true self which is beginning to confuse me.  
Damon has really been sending me different signals lately. He has been extremely protective and sweet towards me, and I have always wanted him to like me more than a friend, but I'm scared. Pain was something I always run away from since I was 14, and I can't go back. If I let Damon in, he will leave me for someone else without all the baggage. The ache of loneliness would be unbearable, but I know, now, it is time for me to make a decision. I can either remain pining after Damon Salvatore; deluding myself into thinking we possibly have a successful romantic future, or I can move on, and try to meet someone who can distract me from the gorgeous dark prince that lingers on my thoughts daily.  
I walked into his shower and twisted the knob, letting the hot spray temporarily wash away every feeling of anxiety and emptiness. I've always loved Damon's bathroom because it was so gigantic, but not gaudy. To my right sat an enormous bathtub that could easily fit two people comfortably, and his shower stood at least 8 feet high with clear glass. Damon never had a shortage on finances, but his luxurious lifestyle had an element of simplicity to it. His room was very spacious and contained a large, fluffy king sized bed that made you feel like you're sleeping on a cloud, a nice black dresser holding up an average sized television, and finally a stack of old books placed on the nightstand next to the bed. Everyone believes Damon is a womanizing bad-boy who couldn't car about anything or anyone, but, honestly, they couldn't be more wrong. That is what Damon wants them to believe, that way no one would glimpse his true self. The truth is, Damon loves to read and even keeps a secret library in the boarding house that contains more literature than I could read in a lifetime. A decent percentage of his novels have been passed down his family for generations, and are worth thousands of dollars. I grabbed my favorite novel from his nightstand taking extra care of it since it is 200 years old. I lazily lay back on his bed, kicking my feet slightly on the edge, caressing Damon's first edition of Pride and Prejudice. I take a deep breath and open the book allowing the beautiful words of love and acceptance consume me. _Why can't all relationships end blissfully happy as Elizabeth and Darcy's?_

* * *

"Where have you been? I have been freaking out! I was about to call the police and tell them you were kidnapped!" Caroline ran up towards me and squeezed me to the point of suffocation.  
"I'm okay, Care, Damon took me to his house last night because I got way too drunk to drive home." I really didn't want to tell Caroline about the guy attacking me. That would bring up emotions that I wanted to keep tucked away deep in my mind.  
"Wait…why would Damon take you to his house? He could have just taken you back to your dorm." Caroline was becoming suspicious, but I will not tell her that I almost got raped while she was making out with Klaus on the dance floor last night.  
"Elena! How can you not see that Damon is so in love with you? You have seriously got him wrapped around your finger!"  
"It doesn't matter anymore Care, I can't lose him. I can't take the risk of our relationship failing and never being able to talk to him again." I finally said it. My decision was made, and now I have to stand by it.  
"Are you sure this is what you want to do Elena? I don't agree with this, but I will support you in your decision. I just want you to think about what you could be missing out on…" Caroline stared at me with concern.  
"Thanks Caroline," I sighed. "I think it's time that I move on from Damon. For the past four years, I have been pining after him like a lost puppy, and it's time I put myself out there and meet new people. I can't keep acting like the scared teenager who ran away from home. It's time I face my problems like an adult."  
"Wow…" Caroline's jaw dropped, but quickly turned into a devious smile.  
"What?"  
"Damon has really rubbed off on you. A year ago, you wouldn't have even defended a murder case with that kind of passion. Elena, your fire is coming back."  
"My fire?" I laughed.  
"YES! I always knew you had a quick temper and a feisty personality. It was just hiding. Embrace it, Elena. Now, let's go get jobs like upstanding citizens!" Caroline links our arms together and marched down to her blue car.

* * *

"Okay are you ready for our first shift as Mystic Grill bartenders?" Caroline shrieked in excitement.  
"As ready as I'll ever be…I just hope Damon doesn't show up."  
I had been dodging Damon all week since I woke up in his room. He wandered over to our dorm yesterday, and easily figured out something was wrong when Caroline refused to let him past the door while I was hiding by my bed. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion and bafflement because I have never ignored him before.

_"What's going on Caroline? Why can't I see Elena? Is something wrong?" Damon's face grew frantic unsure if I was okay. _  
_"She's fine Damon! She doesn't want to see you." Caroline spoke with determination, but I could tell it hurt her to speak to him like this. _  
_"That doesn't make sense…where is she?" Damon was seriously getting pissed. _  
_"Damon she doesn't wish to see you! It won't make it any better if you stand here and whine about it!" Caroline shouted. I gasped from my hiding spot feeling a wave of sadness and guilt crash into my conscience. Damon didn't deserve any of this verbal abuse, yet I always seem to cause him pain._  
_"Fine. I know where I'm not wanted. Please let kitten know I might see her later." Damon bit out coldly and sarcastically. Hearing those words directed at me dragged tears in my eyes. My heart tore apart watching him drive away in that baby blue Camaro._

I haven't seen Damon since that incident, but I remind myself every day that it's a good thing. Now, my shift at the Mystic Grill will force my mind to focus on mixing drinks instead of the raven-haired man that owns my dreams.  
I breathe in deeply, calming the mixture of nerves and hormones pulsing through my body. I turn towards the mirror and take in its reflection. I decided to change my hair a little bit, so it could boost my self-confidence a little bit. I'm dressed in my uniform which is a simple tight-fitted blue t-shirt with "Mystic Grill" printed on it paired with my favorite pair of dark skinny jeans and black converse. My dark chocolate hair cascaded down to my waist in long curls, and the newly added rouge pink strip in my hair and bangs complemented the frame of my face and olive skin tone. For once, I didn't feel mediocre and invisible.  
Thirty minutes later, Caroline and I were swarmed with young men wanting our attention and alcohol. It probably wasn't the smartest idea to start off with the night shift, but I could handle it. There was one man, though, brooding towards the end of the bar that caught my attention. He looked to be around late 20's, and was strikingly handsome. He was nicely dressed in a business suit, and his light brown hair and eyes to match could seriously make some girls swoon.  
"Why are you staring at Elijah?" Caroline questioned.  
"Who?"  
"Elijah Mikaelson? That's Klaus' older brother. Cute huh?" Caroline giggled. He was hot, but he didn't make my temperature rise like Damon did.  
_Elena quit thinking about him!_ I chastised myself.

"I'm going to go and talk to him." With that, I marched across the bar to talk to hot guy who clearly had something on his mind.  
"Hi, can I get you anything?" _Lame. _  
"As a matter of fact you can, you can tell me your name." Elijah smiled sweetly.  
"I'm Elena Gilbert." I held out my hand trying to formally introduce myself.  
"Elijah Mikaelson, it is a pleasure to finally meet you Miss Elena." Instead of shaking my hand, he grabs it and plants a kiss on my knuckles. Any other girl would have melted in my situation, but I stood there disappointed. There was absolutely no spark. My soul didn't seem to yearn for him like it should.  
"Finally meet? You already know of me?" I was definitely interested in how he knows me.  
"Well, your blonde friend over there is my brother's girlfriend, so I have seen you around our mansion from time to time." Elijah casted down his eyes shyly.  
"How come I have never seen you before?" Of all the times I have been to Klaus' mansion I have never seen Elijah before.  
"I've always been a bit shy. I was usually in my room, but I have always really liked you. I wanted to meet you, but you seemed so wrapped up into Klaus' friend Damon." I noticed a little anger and jealousy in Elijah's eyes when mentioning Damon.  
"So, Elijah, are you seeing anyone? Any special girl receiving you gentlemen-like attentions on a daily basis?" I teased, trying to change the subject. Damon was not going to be a topic of conversation anymore.  
"No, but I was hoping that beautiful little brunette that works at the Mystic Grill would accept my invitation to go out sometime." Elijah smiled. His eyes lit up with hope and determination.  
I desperately need to move on from Damon. I might not feel that crackling electricity with Elijah, but maybe I can grow to love him. I already care about him a great deal, and eventually, it could turn into something greater. I could finally be happy. I could have a stable relationship with a man without worrying about him crushing my heart.  
"I would love to, Elijah, how about I give you my number, and you can call me with the details?" I smiled.  
"That would be great! I'll call you later Elena."

* * *

Elijah called me the following day enquiring what my favorite food was. He said that I was to dress nice, and he will pick me up that evening around 7. When I placed my iPhone back into my purse, I was attacked by Caroline with hugs and a mountain of questions. She demanded to be given every single detail of my date with Elijah as soon as I stepped back into the dorm later tonight.  
"That is…if you do come home." Caroline flashed me a smirk, and I immediately put a stop to her one-track mind.  
"Care, you know as well as I do that I am NOT ready for that stage. We literally met last night." There's no way in hell I was going to turn into one of those girls that jumps a guy's bones on the first date. That was way too trashy.  
"Elena, don't try to get into a serious relationship. You need to have some fun." Caroline lectured. "You're just gaining your confidence back. You should be looking around, seeing different guys that are hot and fun, and not jumping into a romantic relationship with the first guy that hits on you at the bar."  
"I will. I just want to see where this goes. I'm going to go and get ready." I walked into the shower before Caroline could say anything else.  
After blow drying and curling my silky brown hair, I had to dive into my closet to scope out an outfit that classifies as "nice." Finally, I tried on a strapless A-line ivory dress that fanned out around my knees and outlines my curves. I complemented my dress with a black belt and matching black heels. It fit me perfectly. It was modest, but not prudish. I felt pretty and classy instead of trashy and slutty.

_Okay, Elena, you can do this._

Right at 7, I heard a slight knock at our door. Elijah greeted me at the door with a huge bouquet out beautiful lilies. The sight made me blush. Caroline sprinted towards me and took the flowers and placed them in a glass vase allowing them to brighten up the dorm room.  
"You look so beautiful Elena." Elijah smiled and offered his arm. "Shall we?"  
"We shall." I smiled and waved goodbye to Caroline.  
Elijah brought me to "The Originals," the most expensive and exclusive restaurant in the state of Virginia. He escorted me in, and I was staring at all things gaudy and extravagant. The people and staff seemed to stare me down with disgust and contempt. I was obviously an outsider to them. I squeezed Elijah's arm on instinct, trying to make him aware of my uneasiness. Nothing. He dragged me to our reserved table like everything was perfect, and obviously didn't notice my uncomfortable state.  
"Welcome to The Originals, Elijah." Our waitress smiled, only addressing my date. "What can I get for you and your…date."  
"I…"  
"We would like your finest white wine. Thank you, Camille." Elijah interrupted. He obviously didn't know that I loved red wine, but couldn't stand the taste of any white wine.  
"So, Elena, besides bartending, what do you do?" Elijah questioned, finally opening a topic.  
"I'm currently a freshman at Whitmore and I am majoring in journalism."  
"A journalist? You seem a little quiet to be a journalist."  
"I might be quiet because I only ask the questions with meaning." I fired back. He didn't know me!  
"Wow feisty! I stand corrected Elena." Elijah seemed extremely surprised wasn't always a meek little girl.  
"So what do you do Elijah?"  
"I am CEO of Mikaelson Enterprise. I've taken my father's place as head in the company." Elijah stated proudly.  
"Wow. I suppose it takes a lot of determination and hard work to get the job done?" I questioned  
"Now I can see the journalist in you!" Elijah laughed. "Come now, let's order our food. The steak here is phenomenal."  
The date finally came to a close, and Elijah drove me home. He was a gentleman the entire course of the evening, yet I found myself aggravated with a lot of his actions. The entire night I ended up comparing him to Damon. He seemed to like to show off his wealth, but I don't like others to spend a ton of money on me. Damon knew that the most I would want was a burger from the nearest burger joint. Also, he didn't know what kind of wine I love, and Damon could fetch it for me without question. The biggest difference was that Damon understands my feelings and mannerisms. Elijah never noticed that anything was wrong when we first stepped into the restaurant even though I squeezed his arm. Damon would always tell me that my nose would scrunch up and I would squeeze someone when I was uncomfortable or uneasy, and I guess he was right. I like Elijah, but he wasn't Damon. I felt, though, that it was unfair to compare the two men. I'm supposed to forget the feelings I hold for Damon, and develop a stronger bond with Elijah.  
"I had an amazing time, Elena." Elijah said, holding onto my hand sweetly.  
"I did too, Elijah." I said, hopefully, convincingly enough.  
Before I stop it, Elijah crashed his lips onto mine. It was intended to be a slow and passionate kiss, but I felt no spark. There were no butterflies in my stomach or pounding of my heart. He grabbed my face to hold me in place, and lazily place a kiss on my cheek. I was just about to acknowledge that our relationship was advancing faster than I wanted, but I heard a velvety voice behind me that I recognized in an instant.  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!"

* * *

**Okay don't hate me too much for this! I really like Elijah's character, and I decided that Elena needed to kind of see other people in order to gain a little bit of confidence. How do you think Damon is going to act after seeing Elena and Elijah kiss? ;) Hopefully I can squeeze in another update this week. Please review! They always motivate me to keep writing. Also, I apologize for any grammatical errors in this story. I don't have a Beta reader yet so I am kind of editing my own stories.**  
**-Kat:)**


	5. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the reviews. I really appreciate tell me what you love and hate about my story. I just want to justify Elena's actions for the previous chapter. Elena has been through a lot of pain in her life, and she is terrified that if she gets into a relationship with Damon, he will find someone better and leave her all alone. It's not that Elena is "dull" or "stupid," but she is struggling with a past that will be revealed soon. I hope this chapter is better than the last one.**

* * *

Chapter 4  
EPOV

My head aches and my entire body remains numb. I can never seem to do anything right. I always cause pain to the people I love because I am too scared to face my own feelings. I flop onto my small, uncomfortable bed, and think back to my past and how I always resort to being a martyr. Why did I allow this to happen?

_One hour ago..._

_"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!"_  
_My head slowly shifted towards the last person I wanted to see at the moment. He stood there, menacingly, like he could break Elijah's neck with one flick of his wrist. His crystal eyes were ice cold, and his face contorted with anger. I knew I had to push Elijah out of here, so I could deal with Damon alone. _  
_"Elena, care to explain?" Damon said sarcastically. _  
_"I don't believe she has to answer to you." Elijah bit back, immediately placing his body in front of mine like he was expecting Damon to attack me. _  
_Yeah. Like that would ever happen. No matter how furious Damon was, he would never raise a hand at me. _  
_"Elijah, please leave. I need to speak to Damon alone." I didn't even look at Elijah. My eyes were glued to my best friend who clearly wanted an explanation for the scene he just witnessed. _  
_"Elena I can't leave you with HIM! He could hurt you!" Elijah argued. _  
_"I would NEVER hurt Elena, and I suggest you leave before I kick your ass, pretty boy!" Damon sneered, even more furious at Elijah's accusation. _  
_"Elijah, go." I said sternly. He was really aggravating me and infuriating Damon. _  
_"Fine. I'll leave. Call me later, sweetheart." Elijah smirked and strutted pass Damon with a pleased expression. I felt like a prize in a competition rather than a human being. _  
_"What the hell was that, Elena!" Damon shouted like I was the bad guy._  
_"Do you seriously have the audacity to ask what the hell I'M DOING?" All I saw was red. Normally, I would shrink away from someone yelling at me, but Damon really brought out my stubborn side that loves to fight back. _  
_"Yes I do. I save you from that drunken low-life, and what kind of gratitude do I receive? The girl I have always sworn to protect for some reason refuses to look at me in the face! I am treated as if I don't exist, or Caroline practically shoves me away like I am an abusive ex! All I hear from you is silence for a week, and I come back to beg you to speak to me, and all I see is you swapping spit with Klaus' douche bag older brother!" Damon shouts. I whirl my head around to make sure no one is coming outside of their dorm rooms to view the scene going on in the hallway. _  
_"I'm tired. Goodnight, Damon." I really didn't want to fight with him. We both needed to leave and simmer down from this, but Damon had other plans. He barges through my dorm room and before I know it, he is hovering only a few inches away from me. _  
_"Oh no, Elena! I'm not letting you walk away from another argument! I don't know what sick things happened to you before we met, but I know enough to be certain that you were never meant to be a quiet pushover. Show me the fire and fight that I know you have!" Damon declared passionately. _  
_"You don't know ANYTHING about what I went through before we met!" I screamed, visibly shaking with anger. _  
_"Exactly! After all these years you refuse to open up to even your best friends! Elena, you will NEVER get passed your demons until your able to trust others! I've supported you through everything! I comforted you after prom, I laughed with you when we pranked your Aunt Jenna, I carried you home after you passed out drunk on your 18th birthday, and you still decided to leave me for someone else!" Damon stared straight into my eyes, devastatingly vulnerable about his confession. _  
_I can't let him feel that way about me. I'm certain that if I allow myself to open up to him, I will end up alone. _  
_"Damon, I'm with Elijah now." I stuttered. Lying to him was more difficult than I imagined. _  
_"Fine, Elena. You want to play that game? Fine, but just to let you know…" he leaned in to my ear, "I don't buy it." _  
_"It's not a game, Damon. I don't feel that way about you." I stated, lying through my teeth. _  
_"I know you're lying. You want to know why?" He smirked and yanked my body flush against his. I could feel his hard chest pressed against me, and I suddenly forgot how to breathe. _  
_"Why would you believe I'm lying?" I decided to be a bit snarky hoping it would throw Damon off his game. It didn't._  
_"Because, kitten, your mine!" With that he crashed his lips onto mine in a searing kiss. Stars exploded before my eyes as I felt his tongue graze my lower lip. Fire raged in the bit of my stomach, and my fingers twisted into his dark hair, finally giving into temptation. His hands roam from my hips to the small of my back, trapping me in place. All traces of thought disappear as he deepens the kiss, making it even more passionate and possessive. His tongue sneaks in, dominating mine, so I know he is in charge. His hands, once again, roam down to cup my ass, and I am suddenly smashed back into reality. I placed my hands on Damon's muscled chest and shoved him away from me. _  
_I needed to create some distance from him and fast. I eased back to my bed and clutched the sheets tight, desperately straining myself from launching back into his strong arms. _  
_"Now you have that to remember next time pretty boy attempts to give you another one of those bland kisses." Damon smirked arrogantly. _  
_In a flash, I stood before Damon and my hand connected to his cheek with a force that even surprised me. Damon stared at me, his eyes of crystal widened with shock. I stood there gaping at what I had just done and forcing my tears back. I couldn't believe that I had actually caused physical pain to someone I loved. _  
_I intended to beg and plead for Damon to forgive me, but the look on his face froze me in place. Instead of anger returning to Damon's features, he chuckled and casually rubbed his jaw, soothing the skin from my hand's impact. Now it was my turn to stand there baffled and confused. _  
_"Okay. I'll leave now before I receive another one of those! That was one hell of a swing, Gilbert." Damon said laughing to himself. _  
_He casually walked out to leave, but before he stepped outside and turned to me with a serious expression. _  
_"Oh and kitten!" he sang. "Game on."_

* * *

I still feel the sensation of his lips and the scent of his cologne, and it drives me insane. My head aches from all the information just cramming into my brain. Now I know that Damon harbors feeling for me, yet I am not ready to enter a serious and trusting relationship with anyone. I was only testing the waters with Elijah, curious as to whether or not I can handle any romantic relationship. Now I am even more confused and overwhelmed than ever.

I lay there, wondering why nothing in my life is simple. When Elijah kissed me, it felt nice but not passionate. It felt awkward and out of place. I felt a connection with Damon, and his kiss set me on fire. Now that he kissed me, it will be almost impossible to move on, but I can't let him see my struggle. Damon loves a good chase because he rarely needs to. Most girls will literally throw themselves on his lap to get his attention, so when a girl refuses, he only wants them more. He will chase and flirt with them for a few days, but if they don't put out, he grows bored. He will eventually see that I am not worth the chase. A prettier woman will come along and sweep him away, and all romantic feelings for me will be erased from his heart.

Staggering into my small bathroom, I gingerly remove the makeup from my face and throw my hair up in a bun. After washing my face, I stare into the mirror and take in my appearance. My features have drastically changed since I was 14. I entered high school with pimples, braces, and raggedy hair with a small chest and zero curves. I could definitely be considered an "ugly duckling," but now, I look at my reflection and see someone drastically different. My braces are gone, my face cleared out thanks to Neutrogena, and ever since Caroline introduced me to the straightening and curling irons, hair has never been a problem. I'm positive that I am not ugly, but sexy and beautiful are words I would never use to describe myself. My long chocolate hair falls past my shoulders and frames my face nicely. My body developed curves and my bra size has increased, so while I know I'm no longer an "ugly duckling," I have never felt beautiful. It's one thing when people tell you, but accepting and believing it raises the difficulty level.

I contemplate the events of earlier this evening as I crawl into my warm bed. Damon challenged me to push my boundaries of comfort tonight. His kiss clouded my head and buckled my knees, and I never wanted it to stop. The part that terrified me the most was that I hit him. I hit him. Damon acted like an arrogant asshole, but there are other ways to handle that. The realization that I used violence as an outlet for my frustration brought tears to my eyes and cascading down my cheeks. I prayed that it would never happen, but I was deluding myself. I could never be rid of them. They might live in Richmond, but they have left their mark on me, and I'm scared that I will end up just like them. Finally, exhaustion consumed me and dragged me into a deep sleep.

* * *

_CRASH! _  
_Like a slow motion action scene in a movie, I watched as the plate collided with the tile floor, scattering pieces everywhere in the well-polished kitchen. _  
_I stood there, frozen as a statue, praying they didn't hear. _  
_I stare down to the floor, wishing the plate could come back together with a flick of my wrist. _  
_"Elena! What's going on sweetheart?"_  
_"Nothing, Mom." My heart thumped in my ears, and I stood there paralyzed with fear. _  
_"Did you do this?" _  
_"Mom, I swear…"_  
_"You know good, ugly, worthless, piece of SHIT! You and Jeremy I swear are the WORST EXUCUSE FOR CHILDREN! I can't believe I actually decided to give birth to you…" _  
_Certain of what events follow, I bolted from our platinum kitchen for safety, yet I was intercepted by my father yanking me back by my long hair. Pain shot through me, and I scream for relief that I know will never come. _  
_"The very sight of you makes me sick," my father bit out. "No one will ever want you, so I guess we are stuck with you." _  
_I tremble and prepare myself for the pain as my father raises his hand yet again to slap me. _  
_"Happy Birthday, Elena."_

* * *

I woke up screaming, sitting up, and clutching my chest. This was the first time those harsh memories resurfaced in months. I searched around my room for Caroline, but was met with an extra empty bed. Caroline must be "sleeping" at Klaus' tonight. I crawled over to the small, wooden nightstand by my bed and reached for my cell phone. I scrolled down to the one person I could possibly call to help comfort me. Leaving my pride and anger aside, I tapped his name, and waited to hear his soothing voice. It didn't come. All I received was a voicemail saying that he was not to be bothered. Dropping my phone, I hid my face in my hands and sobbed. Never in my life have I felt so alone and broken.

* * *

**Sorry this chapter is so short! PM me with suggestions and ideas for following chapters! I plan on writing chapter 5 and posting it soon. MORE REVIEWS = QUICKER UPDATES **  
**You guys rock! **  
**-Kat**


	6. Chapter 5

**Love you guys! Here is the next chapter!**

* * *

Chapter 5

EPOV

"So why didn't you jump his bones?" Caroline questioned as we lazily walked through the mall.

"CARE! Seriously?" I hissed twisting my head around to make sure no one heard her previous comment.

"What? You obviously want to. I mean the way you described how he kisses, he might as well be a Greek god!"

"Can we please drop the subject? I still feel terrible for telling Elijah we can only be friends."

"Fine, but I'm so proud of you for finally taking initiative and breaking it off. I was terrified you would try and keep yourself miserable by staying with him." Caroline said while stopping to stare at the cute pair of strappy, red heels in the store's window.

"I couldn't lead him on. He'll meet a woman much better than me, and I'll be long forgotten."

"Okay, let's not talk about boys anymore! Your first writing class is in two hours, and I need to buy you the best birthday outfit ever!" Caroline squealed.

"Caroline, you are not paying for a new outfit for me! Plus, my birthday isn't until next week." I hated having people spend money on me.

"I refuse to listen to any arguments from you Lena!" Caroline stomped her foot impatiently. "You are going to quit complaining and let me get to work!"

"Fine, Care. You better make me look hot!" I weakly teased.

"Sweetheart," Caroline scoffed. "Not difficult at all."

After an hour and fifteen minutes of intense digging through sales racks, tearing through Sephora's cosmetics, and reluctantly stopping at Victoria's Secret, Caroline deemed me ready for my birthday celebration she was planning for me. Honestly, the thought of Caroline planning something for me made my stomach have a nervous twitch. She loves to coordinate huge parties while I prefer to lie around the house in a sweatshirt I stole from Damon and read a book.

"This party is going to be so perfect! I've already hired a DJ and posted flyers all around campus!" Caroline said, going through her mental checklist to double check for errors.

"Care, you know I don't like huge parties…" I sighed.

"Lena, live a little. Besides, Damon already agreed to have it at the Boarding House. I've already invited a bunch of people, and Damon invited everyone he knows."

"Exactly what I am afraid of."

"You'll have the time of your life. I promise." Caroline said giving me a sincere look.

"Okay, but I need to head over to class. Can't be late!" Giving Caroline a hug, I ran to my car to attend my first writing class.

* * *

"Good afternoon, class. My name is Alaric Saltzman, but you all will call me Ric," Alaric smiled, openly welcoming everyone to relax.

Alaric was my uncle that had graciously taken me in after I ran away from home. He and my Aunt Jenna knew how terrible my home life was and never brought up the topic of my parents and Jeremy. Aunt Jenna passed away two years ago of a brain tumor, so Ric and I bonded over the grief of losing her.

Ric's popularity at Whitmore always makes me laugh. Girls purposely sign up for his writing class to sit and drool at him, and he doesn't even notice. I mean, Ric is pretty attractive. He stands by the desk, dressed casually in dark-wash jeans and a dark blue, fitted button down shirt and runs his fingers along the stubble on his chin deep in thought. His sandy-blonde hair is short yet flares out on one side, and his blue eyes complement his tan skin complexion and athletic build. His demeanor is easygoing and calm and his lazy grin always made him easy to talk to.

"Okay everybody, I hope you love to write because you'll be doing a lot of it! In the class, you never have to take a test. Instead, you write a paper for me every week and I expect it to be placed on my desk every Monday morning." Ric explained to the class.

"You are to write about personal things, something you never really tell others about yourself. The catch is that you can't write it in a journal format. You are not the main character in these papers. Write a novel, poem, haiku, short story, whatever, but I will not accept a story where you are the main character. If you want to write, you can't be the main character of your own story. Writing involves baring your heart and deepest fears through the characters you create, so you need to practice that."

I began scribbling down the notes on my laptop, when I hear a girl running through the classroom panting and scrambling to find a desk. She plopped down into the desk neighboring mine and rushed to pull out her notebook. I watched as her long, curly dark hair flowed over her dark, beautiful face as she began writing the new topic Ric introduced. I couldn't help but feel a wave of compassion wash over me watching her struggle to keep up with Alaric throughout class. Once we were dismissed, I took a deep breath and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yes?" she says, looking confused.

"Ummm…hey…." I stuttered. _This is going to be harder than I thought. _

"Hi." The girl said with a cheery smile which put me at ease a little bit.

"I just wanted to know if you needed the notes from the beginning of class. I know Alaric personally, and my notes are well organized if you want them." The words seemed to speed out my mouth like I was in a race.

"Sure! Oh my gosh, thank you so much! You have no idea how much of a help that is. I'm Bonnie."

"I'm Elena. Here is the basic outline of the notes you missed, and I apologize for disturbing you. I'm sure you have better places to be." With that, I cast my eyes down and turn to leave the classroom.

"Hey, Elena!" Bonnie shouted as she ran back towards me. "Why did you just take off like that? I hope I haven't done anything wrong…"

"Oh I'm sorry, Bonnie. I tend to be kind of shy around people. It is definitely nothing you did." I suddenly felt guilty for so rudely walking away from her. She truly didn't deserve that.

"Well…Do you, by any chance, have any classes later?" Bonnie asked.

"Nope, this is the only class I have on Mondays."

"Well, there is a small coffee shop not too far from here. Let me repay you for helping me today." Bonnie said as she grabbed my hand.

"Why not? You aren't paying for me, though." I smiled.

"Great! Let's go."

When we walked into Bennett's Coffee, my jaw fell open in awe of the place. This was no ordinary coffee shop like Starbucks. Bennett's Coffee was beautiful and serene. As I walked further into the shop, the aroma of coffee and pastries hit my nose, making my stomach growl and mouth water. The walls were painted in a simmering dark gold with bright lights hanging from the ceiling. The wooden counters glistened under the lights, and the tables and chairs surrounding us were organized and comfortable. On the side, there was a separate section filled with various breads, cakes, and other decadent pastries. I definitely wanted to know why I have never discovered this sanctuary before.

"Bonnie…this place is so beautiful and peaceful. I can't believe I've never been here before!" I stated still trying to take in my surroundings.

"Well, I'll take that as a compliment because this is my coffee shop." Bonnie beamed with pride.

"Wait! You own this place?" I couldn't believe someone so young could own a nice business like this.

"Well, it's the family business. My grams opened this shop when she was twenty-five, and she passed it on to my mother. My mom recently passed away, so now the shop belongs to me." Bonnie explained.

"How recent?" I blurted out without thinking. Immediately I covered my big mouth and bit my tongue.

"Last month. She had been fighting breast cancer for five years, and the disease finally won. The doctors always told her that she was fighting a losing battle, but she never cared." Bonnie smiled slightly to herself, holding on to the memories she had with her mother.

We sat down at a nearby table, and I reached out and held her hand. I surprised myself today by deciding to open up and trust someone else, and it felt nice to get to know someone. Bonnie and I ended up talking for over two hours, and I know now how remarkable Bonnie Bennett truly is. She is a fiercely loyal, responsible, and level-headed girl that never allows life to break her. She was the girl that I aspired to be, but could never achieve.

"So what about you, Elena? What's your sad background?" Bonnie questioned.

"What makes you think I'm sad?" I said, brushing my hair behind my ear.

"Come on, Elena. You don't look like a girl who is very happy in her life."

I immediately resorted to my usual method of trying to get out of the uncomfortable situation by rising out of my chair and fumbling through an apology, but Bonnie cut me off with a worried expression. She knew what I was trying to do, and from the look on her face, she was going to figure it out.

"Elena, why did you freak out when I asked about you? What happened to you?" Bonnie asked sincerely.

"It's a dreadful and painful story that I've never told anyone before. I ran away from home on my 14th birthday to live with my Aunt Jenna and Alaric, and I resolved never to look back. I hate to talk about it." I said after casting my eyes down as if I was admiring the design on the table.

"Well, Elena, I will never push you into telling me anything, but you must know that it isn't healthy to bottle up your emotions."

"I write constantly. It's the only way I can ever get out my innermost thoughts." I said absentmindedly.

"I just want you to know that even though we just met, I will be here for you whenever you need me to." Bonnie said seriously.

"Thanks. You know, Bonnie, there should be more people like you out there in this world."

"This was really great, Elena. We definitely need to hang out again. You really are an amazing person even though you can't see it yet." Bonnie gave me a reassuring smile. She truly believed what she was telling me.

"I enjoyed this too, Bonnie. I'll see you in Ric's class on Wednesday!" I said while walking to my car.

"Oh and by the way, I can't believe that hunk of a professor is your _uncle! _Next time we see each other, you have some serious explaining to do!" Bonnie pointed a finger at me jokingly.

"Can't wait!" I laughed.

I drove down the street smiling warmly for the first time in months. _Maybe good things can happen to me._

* * *

_"Lena…I'm scared…" Jeremy began to cry softly. "Why do Mommy and Daddy hurt me? Am I a very bad boy?"_

_"Oh Jer, you are never bad! You are the sweetest little brother I could ever ask for! Shush, please don't cry." I pleaded, hugging my seven year old little brother tightly in my arms. _

_"Why do we have to hide in the closet while big sissy stays outside? I want to go out. Mommy and Daddy don't even hurt her." _

_"Big sissy is special. We don't mean much to Mommy and Daddy's business." _

_"What is Mommy and Daddy's business?" Jeremy questions. I'm his big sister, but didn't even understand what my parents and sister did. I was only eight. _

_"Something that isn't good, Jer. We need to promise each other something. Jeremy, will you promise me that no matter what, we will always stick together? Pinky swear!" I held up my pinkie to show him I was serious. _

_"Pinkie swear, Lena. I love you. You are my only true sister."  
"I love you too, always and forever." _

I awoke covered in sweat and tears from my dream. I turn to stare at the clock which read 1 AM. _Three hours of sleep sounds about right. _ Memories have been resurfacing recently, causing me to have horrific and tragic nightmare that result in little sleep. I toss my head over to see Caroline still fast asleep with her pink flower sheets covering her face. Her dreams are probably filled with flower and hot guys while I struggle with the nightmares of my own guilt. I haven't had a full night's sleep in years, and more frequently, I wake up crying in the middle of the night. Giving up the idea of sleeping, I stumble into the small bathroom, and hop into the shower.

The heat from the shower relaxed and numbed my skin, but not my sadness. The guilt seeped into my veins and curled around my heart like a thick black blanket. I had my reasons for escaping from my home, but it will never justify what I left behind; or, rather, who I left behind. Desperate for relief, I ran for my notebook and scribbled down some lines on the blank page.

_What would you do? _

_What would you do?_

_What would you do if the bringer of life cut off your light, _

_And twisted it until only blackness remained?_

_What would you do if your heart had one remaining link to sanity,_

_But the pain and hate was suffocating you?_

_What would you do if fate tore away the choice of love,_

_And forced you to rip out your own soul?_

_What would you do if your heart was given another chance, despite the torture,_

_Yet the guilt and heartache forbid you to reach for the happiness you have never deserved?_

_What would you do?_

_What would you do?_

The words flowed out of my heart and on the page with shocking ease. I accidently poured more of my heart and soul into the short poem than I intended, but I couldn't bring myself to change a single detail. A little bit of the guilt and pain lifted from my heart, and the air began to be more breathable instead of overbearing. I felt better.

Placing my journal in secret pocket under the bed, I shoved on a pair of shoes nearby and grabbed my shawl on the hanger to wrap around my body. I needed to escape from this dark and cramped dorm room into the fresh night air. I walked downstairs, sat down on a nearby bench, and took in my surroundings. The campus was quiet and peaceful, and the stars sparkled above my head which soothed my restless conscience. I was preparing to return to my dingy dorm room when I heard a silky and sexy voice come up behind me.

"Elena! Are you here?" My head whipped around and Damon stood before me. He looked amazingly sexy, as usual, yet his dazzlingly blue eyes were dazed and unfocused.

"Wha…what are you doing here Damon?"

"What do ya think? I came to see my _best friend._" Damon slurred sarcastically.

"Are you _drunk?_" I hissed with annoyance and exhaustion. This was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

He stared at me, puckered his luscious lips, and held out two fingers as a gesture that he was "only a little drunk."

"And you're upset which is not a good combination…"

"No, Elena, I'm not upset. I'm only confused. I shouldn't care, but I do. My emotions are driving me into insanity, and I am clueless on what to do."

"So you thought alcohol would solve all your problems?" I threw a glare at him as a reminder that I wasn't okay with this.

"No, kitten, bourbon is only a temporary fix," Damon suddenly came close to me and whispered in my ear, "It distracts me until my permanent fix is ready to give in."

The distance between us was practically nonexistent, and aroma of his cologne and bourbon consumed me. I craved him, and he knew exactly how to make my knees buckle and my heart race. Electricity crackled between the heat of our bodies, and my arousal was beginning to get the best of me. Before I caved into temptation, I jumped back to put space between us and clear out the fierce sexual tension.

"Come on drunkie, let's get you home." I said, still desperately trying to hold myself back from jumping his bones.

"Okay, _kitten, _you know best." He smirked at me.

I basically carried the drunken idiot to his room, and dropped him on the king-sized, silk-sheet bed. I ran into his medicine cabinet and grabbed the aspirin because he would definitely need it in the morning, and I walked back into his room to see him passed out on the comfortable bed. I removed his boots and socks before noticing a pair of lacy, blue panties lying on his dresser. It must have been one of Damon's conquests. Knowing Damon's ritual of kicking out the one-night stand first thing in the morning, whoever the girl was must have forgotten her underwear due to the fact that Damon was mostly likely shoving her out the door. I was very well aware of the number of women Damon usually gets involved with, but it still felt like a stake just plunged into my heart. I knew Damon's feelings weren't serious, and that's why I stayed away from him. I was a good chase, and he is mistaking infatuation for love. I made the right decision for myself. _Of course it seems as if I am still the only one that gets hurt. _

* * *

**Sorry for making you wait so long for an update! My schedule has been so hectic, and my time for writing is extremely limited. Anyway, today is my birthday, so I wanted to share this with y'all today to celebrate! You all are amazing! **

**-Kat**


	7. Chapter 6

**Thanks to everyone who is keeping up with this story! School and band has been taking up every single moment of my free time, so writing has sadly been on the back burner.**

* * *

Chapter 6

EPOV

I woke up to a bright light shining down in my eyes and the sound of whistling in the kitchen. The last thing I recollected from the night before was helping Damon into bed and moving downstairs, so I must have passed out on his couch. I eased myself up on the fluffy, dark furniture and checked my phone that was oddly lying on my stomach. As expected, Caroline blew up my phone with texts and calls that ranged from terrified that I got kidnapped or freakishly happy thinking that I finally hooked up with Damon. _Yeah, right._ I quickly sent her a message explaining where I am, and denying the idea about me and Damon. I lazily stretched my long body along the length of the couch, andI finally decided to leave its warmth when the delicious scent of chocolate chip pancakes reached my nose, and I rushed into the elaborate kitchen.

Damon stood by the stove, dressed only in a pair of draw-string black sweatpants that hung dangerously low on his hips. The sweatpants were placed so low that I could easily salivate over the prominent V lines on his slim hips, and the lean muscles on his back made me delirious with a hunger that erased every thought of pancakes from my mind. His dark hair was ruffled from sleep, but it made him all the more desirable. The scent of pancakes was suddenly washed away, and all I could smell was Damon's aftershave. _What is wrong with you, Elena? He only wants you because you're a challenge! He's obviously not wanting anything serious. _

"You know, Elena, I do have six other bedrooms in this house, right? My bed has room for two also, you know." Damon smirked.

"Why would I sleep in the same bed as you?" I snarled, suddenly furious at his audacity. "Your _company _from the night before could have returned for her panties and possibly for a quickie!"

Damon stared at me in surprise and guilt, but he didn't refute my accusation. I remained there, humiliated by my feelings, and unsure of what to do next. Finally, I tried to rush out the door so Damon couldn't see me grappling with my need to sob. Shockingly, I succeeded in opening the door, but my victory was short lived when Damon's firm hand shoved the door back into its frame. He, then, grabbed my waist and hoisted me up against the door, yanking our faces so close together that our noses touched. I felt every single inch of his glorious half-naked body pressed against me, and we both were panting from exertion and arousal. It isn't normal to be so sexually attracted to your best friend, but Damon and I are anything but your typical, everyday best friends. The sexual tension between us is way too thick to be platonic. Just now, I could only focus on closeness of our bodies and how right it felt. I slowly inched my line of vision to meet his eyes. His usual baby-blue orbs had darkened into a rich, royal blue, yet he never moved. I was hoping he would kiss me again and make me feel alive as his touch set me aflame. Yet, the feeling never came. Instead, he slowly lowered me to the floor and darted away from me as if I burned him.

"Shit! I'm so sorry, Elena." Damon hissed as he frustratingly dragged his fingers through his already tousled hair. He turned his back to me and slammed his fists by a nearby wall.

"What is wrong with me?" Damon yelled. I knew the question was rhetorical, so I left it alone, and instead, focused on consoling and calming him.

"It's okay, Damon…" I began to say, but Damon cut me off.

"No, Elena, it's not okay. You are my best friend, and I'll be damned if I screw that up too. Don't you dare try to cover up your issues with our friendship by telling me it's okay because we are both well aware it was not!" Damon shouted.

Usually, Damon would cover up an apology with sarcasm or a joke, but he his face remained passive and indecipherable. My discomfort grew as he continued to stare at me, waiting for me to either cower down or fight back. He was pleasantly surprised when I plopped on his fluffy couch, yet again, and covered myself up with a blanket. He finally decided to sit next to me on the couch and talk.

"So, Elena, calmly explain to me what you apparently saw last night." Damon crossed his arms by his still naked chest, obviously not intending to move until I spill.

"Take a peek at what's on your dresser. It's pretty self-explanatory." I announced sarcastically.

Damon threw his hands up in the air in surrender and stomped upstairs towards his room to investigate, while I sat and flipped through the TV channels. I wouldn't admit it, but I was nervous about Damon's reaction. _What if he finally breaks the news that he has moved on? What if he confesses that the kiss we shared was a mistake and our friendship is over? _I paid no attention to the TV in front of me, but instead, I sat and mused over all the possible situations could stem from this issue until I heard Damon kick something upstairs.

"Aw….SHIT!" Damon said exasperated.

_Looks like Damon didn't like his present. _

Damon came busting through his room and shot down the stairs next to me. His eyes were wild and he fumbled with the words to explain to me the situation.

"Aw shit, Lena, it's not what you think! Nothing happened, I swear…" He continued to stutter and form apologies but could never quite get them right resulting in longer and more complicated explanations. I ended up tuning out his nervous babbling, and remembered that he is my best friend. I don't own him, so I have no right to question who he sleeps with.

As Damon continued, my anger and hurt melted away. While he rambled on, I found the situation more comical than painful. We both have been mad over the same thing. _We don't want to be alone. _Our entire lives, people we loved deceived and abandoned us. When we became friends, I finally had someone who could make me laugh despite the horror I have faced. I had someone who never left my side, even in my darkest hour. Now, we are arguing even though we are on the same side. We both want the same thing; someone to turn to, yet our stubborn wills blinded us from realizing this. I glanced back up to see Damon still freaking out. His usually finely tousled black hair was sticking up in different directions due to his fingers constantly running through it. His eyes were wild with guilt and concern, yet he had no reason to worry. My lips slightly curved upward to flash him a smirk that rivaled his typical mischievous half-grin. Finally, I allowed my furious façade fade away and laughter took its place. I fell to on the soft Persian rug, clutching my sides, and belted out the loudest cackle anyone has ever heard. My ribs began hurting, yet the shocked, priceless look on Damon's face forced more laughter through me. He stood there with his jaw on the floor, baffled by my sudden change of mood. He couldn't even move or comprehend the events that had unfurled before him. I continued to laugh until I created a noise that was not only weird but embarrassing.

I snorted.

I swear it was worse than a typical pig snort.

I immediately ceased laughing and looked at Damon with my hand covering my mouth in surprise. I have never in my life snorted while laughing. I never thought I was capable of doing that. All of a sudden, Damon and I collapsed on the couch together laughing like hyenas on steroids. Tears streamed down our faces, and we continuously failed at calming down. Each time one of us would calm down, the other would remember the sound of my pig snort and began, again, the entire cycle of laughter.

Thirty minutes later, I ended up laying my head on Damon's lap while he played with my long hair. We finally stopped laughing and he served me endless amounts of chocolate chip pancakes that tasted like heaven. Afterwards, he calmly explained to me the situation with the panties, and it definitely wasn't what I expected.

"So, Rebekah Mikaelson tried to seduce you _again?_" I said exasperated.

"Yep." He said, popping the "p" at the end.

"I thought she would eventually meet someone in college that wouldn't see her as the slut that she obviously is. I mean I love Klaus, but his sister is not a good person. I don't even know why you hooked up with her in high school." I said with a tone of disgust. The younger Mikaelson wasn't my favorite person in the world.

"Drunk, horny, bored…there are thousands of possibilities, but the memory itself doesn't interest me. All I know is I came home from the bar a couple nights ago, and I stumbled into my bedroom to find Barbie Klaus in my bed, naked, and begging for me. I ended up having to throw her out because the little bitch couldn't comprehend the word _no. _Plus, Klaus almost put me in the hospital the first time she seduced me after Winter Formal._"_ Damon laughed and it my heart swelled at his smile.

"You know, Damon, I'm glad we talked and worked this out. I miss this." I said as I cuddled closer to his chest.

"I miss this too, kitten. I'm sorry for all this. You and Caroline are just starting college, and I shouldn't have complicated things more than they were already. You are my best friend, and I can't lose you." Damon openly confessed, smiling slightly.

"You will never lose me, Damon." I stated sincerely. I couldn't leave Damon even if my life depended on it.

"Well, kitten," Damon said, nudging my shoulder, "want to stay here today and entertain me?"

"Can't…" I said slowly.

"Lena…." Damon whined and pouted, and I almost gave into his tempting demeanor.

"Meeting up with a friend, so I'll see you later." I said, grabbing my bag to head out the door.

"Elena Gilbert, did you actually make a new friend? Who are you?" Damon teased.

"I'm working on getting over my fear of strangers. Bonnie is really nice." I said smiling softly. My cheeks burned red as Damon's eyes roamed over me with a look of pride.

"Good. I'm glad. You really need help in the friend department." Damon chuckled, and I threw a nearby pillow straight at his face.

"Hey genius, go put on a shirt. You will attract the strangest people into your home without one." I playfully scolded, closing the gigantic wooden door behind me.

Five minutes later, my cell phone buzzed as I walked into my empty dorm room. My lock screen lit up with a picture of me, Caroline, and Damon at my high school graduation, and Damon's name appeared bright letters in the middle of the picture:

_Well, Lena, since you can't entertain me now, you have to make it up to me and come over tonight for a surprise. ;) BTW: Invite Bonnie to your birthday party. You are not weaseling yourself out of this one! I've invited too many people to cancel. _

_-Damon_

I groaned at the thought of a boarding house packed with complete strangers staring at me and judging. Damon knew that I hated huge groups, and it pisses me off that he would help Caroline plan this. All I wanted for my birthday was to be surrounded by the people I cared about, and some chocolate cake.

* * *

I met up with Bonnie at Bennett's Coffee shop after rushing into the small shower and changing out of my pajamas. Bonnie's shop quickly became my favorite place to hang around because of the peaceful and quiet atmosphere, and we even began a routine of meeting there for lunch three days every week. We would sit and trade information about ourselves, and I would tell her funny stories of me and Caroline from high school. When Bonnie had to return to work, I enjoyed finding a comfortable chair, read _Pride and Prejudice _and dream of a certain raven-haired man as Mr. Darcy. Today, I skipped through my worn book and found my favorite scene:

_"I certainly have not the talent which some people possess," said Darcy, "of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often seen done."_

_"My fingers," said Elizabeth, "do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault – because I will not take the trouble of practicing. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other women of superior execution." _

_Darcy smiled and said, "You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers."_

I fantasized of a life that I was as confident as Elizabeth Bennett with her charming smile and witty tongue. She easily captured Mr. Darcy in her spell, and fiercely defended herself and her family from anyone. She never had a problem telling Mr. Darcy what she thought about him, and she never cared what people thought about her. She was everything I wasn't but wanted to become.

After inviting Bonnie to come over for my birthday, I drove over to the boarding house in a happy mood. Damon and I worked out our issues, and it feels great to have my best friend back. Damon and I love to fight, and we know exactly how to push each other's buttons, yet I could never hold onto my anger for more than a few hours. We eventually apologize for our stubborn behaviors, and hug it out.

I knocked on the large, mahogany door, and waited for Damon to appear. Excitement filled my heart at the thought of hanging out with Damon like we used to in high school. He never planned the same thing twice, so every time he invited me over was a surprise. I was shaken out of blissful reverie when Damon slowly opened the door. He walked outside and closed the door behind him with blankets and basket in hand.

"Uhhh…Damon? What's going on?" I said, confused.

"You don't want to spoil the surprise, now do you?" Damon said with a cocky smirk.

"Damon…" I whined. He knew I hated surprises.

"I'll give you a little something. We are going on a picnic."

* * *

**Okay, so I don't feel too confident about this chapter. I'm sorry if it sucks, but this chapter was an attempt to get out of this writer's block I've been stuck in. Hopefully, you all won't quit reading it because I have so many things planned for this story! Please review!**

**-Kat :)**


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